Forever Walking Alone
by Misoka Kai
Summary: Song-inspired fic. Even after Arthur's death, Merlin continued walking, alone. Warnings: Major Character Death. Pairings: Merthur. One-shot.


**A/N: A song inspired fic from _Dragonland - Forever Walking Alone_! XD The song itself is quite old I think. :/ According to my mom, it's been there since she was small so.. yeah. I found it by accident too while scanning my sister's music folder, and man, I love it! XD So, anyways, go ahead!**

**English isn't my native language so I'm sorry for any grammatical or vocabulary mistakes.**

**Warnings: Major character death? Duh ;v**

**Disclaimer: Nah, ain't mine. ;-;)**

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Forever Walking Alone 

When I saw you fell on your knees, the sword still plunged on your abdomen, I didn't know what to think. The Druid boy pulled out the sword that looked scarily just like Excalibur, tearing a silent scream from you. With that, he immediately turned and left, leaving you on the ground, battered, bruised, and dying. I immediately ran to your aid, hoping that it was not too late, hoping that this was a dream, a nightmare, and I would wake up soon, finding us still on the battlefield, you're still alive and fighting, and this time, I could save you. But reality was cruel and unfair, the pain was real, the hurt was real, the blood flowing from your wound was real. I felt the liquid flowing on my hand as I pressed on the wound, trying to stop it from bleeding anymore.

Under my hand, I could feel you getting cold, your pulse getting weaker, your life force fading. I cried out, telling you to stay strong, it would all be okay. But, physician apprentice or not, deep down I knew, that you're not going to survive it, especially if Mordred's sword, too, was forged by a dragon's breath. Even you yourself knew, you weren't going to survive it.

You opened your mouth, tried so hard to say something, to will a voice to come out but it only resulted in you coughing and hacking blood out. I told you to stop and rest, and yet, you just wouldn't listen. I casted a spell then, every healing spells I knew. This was probably one of the time I wished I mastered the healing spell just as much as I mastered the offensive.

After I'd exhausted all of my knowledge, which was very limited, on healing spells, I looked at you and I could see the surprise, confusion, anger, and hurt all swirling in your eyes. I felt guilty, for betraying and lying to you all these times, but I had no choice. Before I knew it, tears started streaming down my face. I curled down, hiding my face from you, I apologized numerous times, mumblings broken explanations. I felt a hand on my cheek, your hand. I looked at you, a soft smile now plastered. You said you understood, and that it's fine, you apologized, you thanked me, as if you knew all that I had done.

You coughed up more blood. I knew you were beyond help and yet, I still didn't want to accept it, I applied more pressure on the wound, hoping for the blood to just stop flowing out.

The clanging of metals had stopped by now, some of the knights gathered around us, paying their final respect to their King. One of them came, Gaius and Gwen in tow. Gaius went beside me, checking Arthur over before he said that it was too late and there's nothing him, or even me, could do. I felt Arthur's hand clasping mine, trying to calm me down.

Your last moments was filled with silence, as if the people and even the world was paying respects to them, bidding farewell one last time for the King. The next one to rule would be Gwen, you had given her the rights to. As your breathing grew ragged and short, you looked at me. With your last breath, you asked me to smile. I did, as best as I could at the situation, and yet, it seemed enough for you as you smiled back before drawing your last breath and went limp on my arms.

The people mourn your loss, even the toughest knights shed a tear. The rain fell, as if mourning for you too. Gwen cried in my arms. She had lost too much, first, her true love, Lancelot, next, her brother, and now, you. Even if the both of you were only husband and wife in name, she knew very well that you loved me, both of you were close, like a family. I was the only one left whom she could call a family. Any thoughts of my original plan to leave Camelot soon dissipated as I realized that. I need to be at Gwen's side, supporting her as she ruled your kingdom.

I mourned alone, in the confines of my own room. I was supposed to be the most powerful warlock, destined to protect you, yet, here I am, with you no longer in the world. I failed my destiny, I failed everyone. I hate Mordred, I hate Morgana, they're the one that killed you, the battle was by their initiation, your wound was by Mordred's hands. I hate the both of them. But most of all, I hate myself, for not being able to protect you.

I looked outside through the small window. The city carried on as usual, albeit a bit less cheerful. People still walking around from shops to shops, carrying things, servants doing errands, knights patrolling, children playing on the streets. Camelot was still beautiful, but, Camelot was no longer a home. A home is where the heart is. My home was in your arms, without you, Camelot is no home.

I looked back at the days we spent together, every single bit of it. Even hunting became quite a bit enjoyable with you there. Every time we came back to Camelot from quests, journeys, battles, every time it would make myself feeling all down and burdened by the weight of destiny, you were always there, smiling and laughing for me. You could always lit up even my darkest days. With you no longer here, the world was a bleak place.

I went to the Great Dragon. He told me that there's more to the prophecy, that you're not just a King, but a Once and Future King, one day, you will rise again, in the future. Who knows how long, but you will definitely rise again. Not only that, it seemed that I, too, am immortal, destined to wait for the day you will rise again, to assist you even then. Still, it didn't do anything to ease my pain. My heart was still beating, but I didn't feel like I'm alive. Even my own heartbeats felt foreign, and yet, I still need to leave, forever, and ever, until I could once again meet you.

Not long after, Morgana declared another battle, troops on the distance ready to attack at any moment. One of the patrols found out about the place they camped and hurried back to the castle to report. It wasn't even long after you died and yet, how cruel could she be? Camelot was still unstable with your recent death, she knew it was the best time to strike. Still, Gwen stood and led with confidence. I was very proud of her, she had become strong, perhaps stronger than I am.

I told Gwen about my magic, told her that I would be glad to be put at the front lines, protecting the kingdom. She accepted me. She suspected my magic since long ago but was simply waiting for me to reveal it myself, to put my trust on her. Now, I was glad I did. She was the greatest friend anyone could have had.

The days passed with knights training more intensely everyday, the council's meeting discussing every battle plan they could think of to protect Camelot and its citizens. Preparations for the battle was being made, supplies stocked, townspeople evacuated. It was decided that I would be on the front lines. At first, Gwen was opposed to it, but I pleaded her until she relented. With me on the front lines, I swore that I would defeat Morgana and Mordred, seeking vengeance.

The attack was sudden, they ambushed the city suddenly at night. Still, we were already prepared. Guards at the main gates immediately reported to the castle and knights were already ready on their position. I was stationed with several other knights on the main gates, where the army was gathering the most. Mordred led the enemy's group. As soon as I saw them, I ordered the knights to stay low.

When they were in reachable distance, spells were immediately unleashed between us. Elements clashing around, protection shields built up. Mordred was strong, but not strong enough. Grief and rage had made my magic grew stronger. Moreover, the feeling of wanting to get revenge pumped my adrenaline stronger than ever, forcing my magic to reach its peak. Simple spells soon become complicated. Mordred was no longer standing on my level. I released spells after spells, he wasn't able to catch up.

Finally, I conjured an area spell, unleashing storm and lightning to the enemy's party. These storms struck down person after person, burning them to crisp. Mordred, too, was one of them. In the distance, I could hear an ancient spell being recited. Morgana. She was a High Priestess, she was very strong, I had to admit that, but, I'm Emrys after all, the most powerful warlock every to walk on Earth, or so the Old Religion and the Druid's Prophecy said, and it was definitely not only on name.

Who knew how many time passed, by the time I was done and the adrenaline all left, the ground in front of me, where the enemy's party had been cleaned of any living person. I was exhausted, drained to the very last of my energy. I turned back at the knights hiding at every possible hiding spot and nod at them, indicating them to go on their way and helped any other parts that needed help because the enemy's party definitely wasn't simply coming from the front. The knights had various emotions plastered on their faces, some in awe, some in fear, which made me wince a bit, some amazed. At that signal though, they snapped from their thoughts and turned to where the other guards are stationed, just in case some of the enemies managed to fight back despite their leaders had already fallen.

After most of the knights was out of sight, I started to walk back to the castle only to have my knees buckled and collapsed under me. No more energy left to even halt the fall, I connected face first to the cold and hard ground. Percival, the last one to leave, probably heard the thump of my fall and turned around, immediately running to my side. He carried me on his arms back to the castle. I thanked him as he laid me on my bed. Without awaiting for his reply, my eyes soon drooped close and darkness overtook me.

When I woke up, it was to the worry faces of Gwen and Gaius. Both of them explained how the main party of the enemy was wiped out by me and the others were just small groups that were no match for Camelot's knights. The fight was a one-sided one, casualties was close to none. Gaius told me that I used up too much energy and my body was currently replenishing it. Not able to stay awake long, I found myself asleep once again.

The second time I woke up, I felt better, my energy almost fully replenished. As soon as I was able to stand and walked around without stumbling, my legs were adjusting once again to the strain of walking, I went to Gwen, telling her that I would like to leave Camelot to travel. I could see in Gwen's eyes that she was hesitant at first but that she understood and let me go. She gave me foods and drinks for me to take for my travels, Gaius gave me herbs and potions, just in case, he had said. I said my goodbyes to my closest friends, Gwen, Gaius, Leon, Percival before going. I was allowed to take my mare with me despite it being a part of the castle's horse. I thanked them for everything.

I went across various kingdoms, across lands and mountains, no destination in particular, simply wandering. Anywhere I went, I could still feel my friends' life force. Every time I felt one of them fading, I would go back to say my farewells one last time.

Years passed, I never grew old. Even as Gwen now lay on her death bed in front of me, face all wrinkled and hairs whitening, I still had the same appearance when we met first at the stocks. Goodbyes with Gwen was full of tears and mumbles of 'thank you's. As Gwen finally closed her eyes, never to reopen them again, I decided that it was time for me to expand my travels, to across the sea.

Years became centuries, I travelled from one country to another, learning different cultures, different languages, watched as histories were made, wrong decisions made, wars initiated everywhere. I never stayed at one place for too long, constantly walking around. I watched as the world was destroyed and rebuilt again, inventions invented, technology developing, the world changing. Sometimes, it scared me at how humans were quickly adapting, improving, for the best or for the worst I do not know. Disasters occurring all over the world, various problems of the countries. Despite all that, despite all the wars, all the hardships, there was still no sign of Arthur.

No matter how long or how far I went, my feet always brought me back to the only remainder of what Camelot once was, Lake of Avalon. Arthur and Gwen were now simply legends, sometimes even interpreted wrongly, various relationships twisted between us. Sometimes, Morgana was even a good person and I wondered how nice if that was true.

I looked at the horizon stretched in front of me, the cold making mist on the distance, somehow the water looked like they sparkled. The sun slowly rose on the distance, giving the sky a blue-yellowish color.

I stood, hoisting my bag up with me. My breath came out in puffy white smokes due to the cold. Sometimes, in times like these, I just wondered, would things have been different if I made a different decision? If the current me ever to go back to the past, will I be able to save Arthur? Will I be saved from this… immortality?

Still, even being the most powerful warlock, there are just some things that can't be done, and bending time is one of them. Time always moves forward, simply making it moves backwards or even going to the past was hardly an option. Even if I could, the past is the past, changing the past would definitely change the future and will most likely create a parallel universe or make the time and space dimension unstable. Some things are better off that way, everything happened for a reason after all.

_If I could unwind the time, I would have been by your side._

I sighed and walked away, continuing to travel as I wait for the return of my King.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? :'3 I really wanted to write something aside from them dying and hoping for a reincarnation thingy, because seriously, every time I write them, it seemed to be just about the same.. more or less, but somehow, the idea that popped into my mind was always that. Have a few AU fics in mine, hopefully I can finish it sometime soon... ;w;)**

**Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy it!**


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